A couple of weeks ago we took Traxton back up to our audiologist at PCMC. After more testing, his hearing was declared severe enough for him to be considered a candidate for cochlear implant surgery. Even with his hearing aides he can't hear well enough for speech articulation. This information makes him qualify as a candidate. So all of his records were compiled and sent on to our insurance to see if they will cover the implant surgery. I think it is a little ridiculous that it comes down to an insurance company getting to decide ultimately if a surgery, that is medically necessary, will take place or not. They hold the power: not the doctors who have the expertise and skills to perform the surgery. Since the surgery is $80,000 per side, the insurance company holds all the power.
Now we are in limbo. His surgery date has been set for October 1st if it is approved. I am struggling with the uncertainty of it. Should I just plan on it happening and make arrangements for our family? But then if it doesn't happen I'm afraid I will be super disappointed. I'm not really doing anything at this time and that freaks me out too. I am such a planner!!!
Not only does the idea of my baby undergoing surgery stress me out, but the month after will be such a struggle. After they place the implant his hearing aides will no longer work. The implant, however, won't be activated until a month after. This means we will have four weeks of no sound for him. We have been really working on our signing, but we are nowhere near proficient enough to rely completely on it. I am really afraid of the frustrations he will experience and how it will make him feel to be completely without any sound. I think it would be lonely.
Before we made the decision to do the surgery, we talked a lot about this transition period and how much of a struggle it would be, and we decided that the positive points outweigh the negative and to just go for it. Making this decision was really hard and I have doubted myself a lot. I have wondered if it is the right thing and even if it is the right time to do it. Since making this decision, I have had so many little thoughts and impressions that have reaffirmed my decision and I know that this is best. In church the other day someone reminded me of the fact that fear is the opposite of faith. I really needed to hear that and to be reminded that I have to have more faith. Yes it will be a trial, and yes we all will get frustrated at times, but I can't be afraid. I need to have faith that this is the right thing and everything will work out for the better for Traxton. I know that it really is the right thing to do! We love this little guy so much and we love everything that he has brought to our family. I couldn't imagine things being any different. I am excited for the future and all of the possibilities and new sound that will come with Traxton's new ears.