First off our computer is giving us problems so I can't download my halloween pictures. You will just have to wait for them until we get it fixed. Hopefully it will be soon.
Secondly, I am really struggling right now with knowing the right way to handle a situation going on with Ashten. We have a couple of neighbor girls who are Ashten's age and they play together pretty good for the most part. Lately the little girls have been so mean to Ashten and I don't know what to do. I actually watched them both reach out at the same time and push her the other day. I almost died. You probably could have seen smoke coming out of my head. I will admit that I am not one of those mothers who can just say "play nicely" and look the other way. I wish I could be a little more like that. I basically yelled at them and told them never to touch her again. I try to convince Ashten to stay away from them, but she just wants to play and be included even if they are being so mean to her. It makes me so sad just thinking about it. When I told Jared about them pushing her, he was more upset than I was. He told her that if anyone ever pushes her again to push them back. He also told Treyson to do the same. I am torn between not wanting to teach my kids to be aggresive and not wanting them to be bullied. Jared said he will not have one of his kids be a victim and I agree, but I also don't know that just pushing them back will always be the answer. Especially with all of the violence you see between kids at school. Just the other day I saw a internet video of two girls fighting. I don't want that to be my daughter in a few years, but I also think that if she wasn't so sweet she wouldn't get bullied around. Today she was playing with one of the girls and she crashed on her bike and was crying. I looked out the window to see the neighbor girl stick out her tongue at Ashten as she rode past. Who does that? She is only four. I have been trying to find other things for Ashten to do so that she won't want to play with them, but whenever she sees either girl outside, she wants to go play. I try to tell her not to because they won't be nice, but she always wants to. I don't think it is fair to punish Ashten and not let her go out to play because they are so mean, but seeing how they treat her makes me so sad and mad. I really don't know what to do and would love some ideas on how to handle mean girls. Please help!!!
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Oh my goodness! This is so awful. This is the kind of thing I dread for my girls, but I didn't expect it to happen until much later. How sad that these neighbor girls are already so catty and rude. I wonder why they have singled out Ashten?
My first idea was to throw a party for Ashten and invite the two girls. I know you don't want to do anything nice for these awful girls, but remember that they are so shallow at this age. If Ashten hosts a really fun, cool party or play date...she will be the bees knees to them! Maybe the girls aren't so bad overall, but they have something against Ashten that they just need to get over. I remember once as a child singling out a neighbor girl because I thought she was coming between me and my best friend at the time. I was so mean to her because of this, but later learned what a great person she was and we became friends. This is a lot for four year olds to understand, but maybe they just need a reason to really like Ashten and a party can cure that. If not, it will at least make Ashten feel special for a day and maybe she needs that right now. And if all else fails...Elise sure likes Ashten!
Sorry about the novel!
So...sometimes you want to strangle your kids friends too?
We have a neighbor like this....he is an only child and doesnt know how to play with more than one at a time so he is so rude to Asher when he and Leah are playing or he is so rude to both of them when he is playing with some one else.
Is either of these girls an only child? That could be the problem....
The worse thing about the whole situation is that one of the girls has been Ashten's best friend for years. They played so good together and were unsepprable. Then this summer something changed and she is a little *@%& to Ashten. I think that makes it so much harder for both of us to handle.
I can't believe mean girls start so young!! It's even worse to hear that one of those girls used to be her best friend. What the heck? I'll admit, my first reaction is the same as your husband's- Push them back! You're totally right though, it won't always be the solution, and that's hard for a 4 year old to comprehend. It would be interesting to see what happened to the mean girls if Ashten stood up to them. (Are they nicer when they are separate?) Anyway, I hope someone has some experience to share, this is a crazy (and hard) situation!
How sad for Ashten. I wish I had some advice for you, but we're definitely not at that point with our kids...and I'm sure boys aren't quite as mean as girls can be. You guys are great parents and Ashten is such a good little girl...hopefully it will resolve soon!
I suggest move to Hurricane and live by us and McKendry and Ashten can be best friends! I don't know what to say but that is too bad and sad. Ashten is too sweet of a girl to have girls be mean to her. I like Libby's idea but it's hard to be nice to girls who are being mean to your little girl. The mother bear come's out in us and we just want to protect them. Hopefully in time these girls will grow out of this brat stage and they can all be friends? Until then it just really sucks!
I wish I had some great motherly advice to give, but alas I don't. I know what you do mean by wanting to fix it before things get to far out of hand. Believe me I wish someone would have for me. I was that girl for most of my life. I remember 6th grade being the worst ever. I had one girl actually tell me (after stealing my best freind from me) that I was too fat to be anybody's friend. Needless to say I know what you mean by wanting to avoid that. I wish you luck and have faith that You'll find the answers that you need.
I'm sure that It's very difficult to watch your children be bullied, and I'm with you that just let people walk all over them. You can stand up for yourself, and your children without becoming a "bully".
I feel so bad for Ashten! That would be hard to lose her best friend. I think you should talk to the parents, maybe they don't know it's happening. I know that would be awkward though, but your tough, you can do it!!!
My son has had the same problem occasionally with some of his friends. I am like you, it breaks my heart when other kids are mean to mine. I want to go and tell them what I think. And, I have a few times!
Kevin is exactly like your husband. He tells them if someone pushes or hits them to push or hit them back. I dont love this idea, but I dont want them to be bullied either. I think there is a fine line there somewhere, it is just finding it that is the hard part! Luckily kids are strong and they forgive and forget easily. Good Luck!!
Who are these kids? I will personally go and handle them for being mean to that sweet girl! She is just so adorable and cute when all the kids are together, that it breaks my heart for someone to be mean to her! I am with Jessica, you should move out toward us(you did mention Toquerville!) and solve the problem!
But in reality, its hard to say because you don't want her to be bullied, but can't condone fighting. Maybe tell her to stick up for herself but not be violent? Seriously, I am at a loss on this one! Maybe she could just play with one of them, not the two together, they say "twos company, threes a crowd!" Maybe that would help?
Hopefully it works out and you don't have to deal with the stress of these naughty girls!
I think girls can be so MEAN! This is my biggest fear as a parent and having to watch your kids go through experiences like this. It's so sad that they are only 4 and this is already starting to happen.
Hi Mandy! I found your blog under Cari's. I won't say anything by the way. I just wanted to let you know that we have gone through that both with Carter and Kylie. We absolutely love the kids on our street but we have had similar situations as well. Our kids don't seem to be very aggressive. They would start crying before they would hit or push back. Coty's reaction was the same as Jared's at first but now we have decided the best thing to do is walk away. Giving it back does not solve the problem. Kids are constantly going through different stages and as they get older they are trying to figure out where they fit in in this big world. I think the best thing to do is honestly not make a big deal about it especially in front of Ashten. Talk to her about the situation right when it happens and ask her what she thinks she should do. I have found that they need to learn to be able to solve their own problems. In Kindergarten last year Carter was walking to the car after school and there were two older boys being mean to Carter and said something like," What are you looking at, do you want me to punch you in the face??" I felt the same as you I wanted to get out of my car and say something to them but I didn't that time. I asked Carter when he got in the car what the boys said to him and he told me. Then I asked him what he said to the boys and he said," I told them I'm not looking at anything and I walked away." I asked him what he thought he should do and he said," mom I am supposed to love everyone maybe I could give them one of my toys. Kids are so forgiving Ashten is such a sweet girl she has a tender little heart. She is very quick to forgive and so maybe we should be the same. Become as a little child ha...ha this would have been a perfect example for Sunday school a few weeks ago. But seriously I think we can learn a lot from our children at least I do!! I don't think the girls purposely want to hurt her feelings but I notice especially with girls they can be so competitive. Honestly these experiences are so good for them because they learn so much!! I heard this quote from an awesome book, " Being mistreated is the most important condition of mortality, for eternity itself depends on how we view those who mistreat us." It is how we learn to deal with others mistreating us. I think it is a great idea to have a special playdate for Ashten with the three of them and they can do something really fun where they are all involved together. Hopefully this helps. This is what I have learned and am still learning!!
P.S. I was thinking of you guys the other day. I was going to call you and have Treyson and Ashten come over and play so that Kylie and Kayden had a friend to play with but the days just seem to be going way too fast. Maybe we will call next week!!
I'm so sorry. Did you ask mom what she thought of the whole deal. She might be able to give you some good advice. Please tell Ashten that we love her.
SO I THINK IT'S THE THREE IS A CROWD PROBLEM. GIRLS DON'T LIKE TO COMPETE WHEN IT COMES TO FRIENDS. I ALSO THINK THE GIRL THAT WAS NOT HER BEST FRIEND IS PUSHING THE BUTTONS. ONE OF THEM MUST HAVE A LEADER COMPLEX AND IS THREATENED BY ASHTEN TAKEN THE OTHER AWAY. THEN AGAIN I DON'T HAVE KIDS, BUT I AM A GIRL. GOOD LUCK HOPE LITTLE SWEET ASHTON FINDS HER WAY.
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