.: October 2010

What a crazy few weeks we have had! After posting last we have made considerable progress with Traxton's coordination and balance. It didn't come as quickly as I would have liked, but he is walking again. It seemed like every few days he would get a little more balance and be able to get around more easily. It was a little odd seeing him crawl around everywhere like he was a baby, but I was so grateful when it happened. We didn't have to keep a constant watch on him once he was comfortable with crawling around. He is still a little wobbly and he struggles on uneven ground, but he is walking. More than anything is that this experience has taught me patience. We had to carry him everywhere and give him 100% of our attention or he would try to get up and fall back down. It was such an exhausting time. I even had moments of weakness where I would break down and wonder if he was ever going to get his balance back. I questioned and feared that it would be permanent. Our family prayed constantly for him to get better. This has also been a teaching experience for me to be reminded that our prayers are always heard. Our answers might take longer than we would like, but they are always heard. Obviously, Heavenly Father thought that I needed some more practice with patience.

Traxton's incisions look really good. They are almost completely healed and his hematoma has gone away. His crazy personality is back and he doesn't seem to be bothered too much by his lack of sound. He is doing really well with his signing and most of the time I know what he wants. He also is able to understand when I sign to him. Ironically, we were so worried about him being frustrated with communication, and that hasn't been a problem at all.

We have been so grateful for all of our friends and family who have been here to support and offer help to us. The daily visits and phone calls to check on his progress provided such a strength to me. We are surrounded by so many amazing people.

Now we only have two more weeks until his implant is activated and he can start hearing again. I can't wait to get things started!!!

Traxton playing outside with the hose in his underwear.

Last Friday Traxton had his cochlear implant surgery. Even though I had been planning for this and preparing myself for the last few months for what was going to happen, I was nowhere near emotionally ready for what actually took place. What mother can really be ready to have their child undergo major surgery?

Thursday afternoon we met with his surgeon to go over all of the pre-op instructions and find out what time his surgery was scheduled for. The appointment was quick and easy and we left with instructions for the next day and prescriptions that needed to be filled before surgery. We were able to swim and play with the kids at our hotel Thursday night with Jared's sister and her kids. Everyone had a really fun time together. Having the surgery so close made me really emotional. I couldn't help but worry about everything that may possibly go wrong. I spent a lot of time crying.

We were told that Traxton would need to be fasting after 7:00 am, so Jared took him down for breakfast at 6:00 (yes he was already awake), then we just hung out for a few hours before we headed for PCMC. Jared's sister had agreed to watch Ashten and Treyson for the day while we would be at the hospital. Originally we were under the assumption that we would have the surgery in the morning and be discharged the same day. Since he wasn't scheduled until 3:00 pm, we were told that we would be staying the night for observation. Thankfully, Jared's sister was more than happy to keep the older kids over night as well.

Once we got to the hospital they told us that the doctor was an hour behind schedule, so instead of us waiting two hours for the surgery we had to wait three. Traxton did so good considering the fact that he hadn't eaten all day. He played in the little toy area with another little boy who was scheduled for a surgery as well.

They finally came and took him from us at 4:30. He didn't even cry as he was taken down the hall in the opposite direction from Jared and me. I was crying enough for all of us. We were directed to a waiting room full of parents experiencing the same thing as we were. The OR nurse called around 6:30 to say that they had just finished the first ear and were starting the second side. She said he was doing great and everything was going well. I felt like that phone call was a lifeline to my baby and I didn't want to end the conversation. An hour later the surgeon came out to tell us that everything went well and he was all done.

Seeing Traxton in the recovery room was one of the hardest things I have had to do. He didn't even look like my baby. He had his head wrapped up like a little helmet and he looked so pale. It was heart breaking to see him like that.

Our night in the hospital was awful. Traxton woke up every hour and become combative. When he did this Jared would have to take him from me to settle him down. I couldn't control him when he was kicking and hitting. He also kept getting bloody noses. They said the oxygen he had during surgery probably just dried out his nose and was making it bleed. In addition to his nose bleeding, one side of his head kept bleeding through his bandages. We had to add more bandages to his head throughout the night. As if all this wasn't fun enough; Traxton threw up multiple times in the night. I'm pretty sure none of us got very much sleep.

Saturday morning Traxton started to do a little better. He was given some anti nausea medicine and that helped a lot. He was able to start drinking some juice and eating crackers. After a few hours the resident came in and removed his bandages and said everything looked good and we were free to leave whenever we felt ready.

Normally, I am very anxious to leave the hospital and go home but I didn't want to leave until we were sure Traxton felt well enough to make the drive home.

We loaded up our stuff and headed to pick up Ashten and Treyson around noon. Traxton seemed to be feeling better, however, he was really wobbly. He actually couldn't even hold his head up without it bobbing all over. We were a little worried about the drive home, but he did really well. He slept most of the way and didn't seem bothered by things when he was awake.

Now that we are home, we are dealing with things that we weren't prepared to deal with. Traxton completely lost his balance. The first few days we have felt like we had a newborn again. We literally had to hold his head when we held him, otherwise it would flop around. He has slowly regained some of his balance. He can now sit up unassisted and crawl around, but he is nowhere near walking yet. I feel like we hit the rewind button and am back to being excited and anticipating the milestones of a baby. I think I am more excited for him to start walking now compared to how I was when he started the first time. The hardest part about his loss of balance is that he thinks he should be fine. He remembers that he could walk and climb so he tries to do it now, only to fall on his face. I can't just leave him on the floor like I did when he was a newborn because he will try to stand up and walk around. Someone has to constantly be right next to him making sure he doesn't hit his head.

Besides his lack of balance, I have been a little concerned with one of his incision sites. It has been pretty swollen, so I called the surgeon and he suggested we take him in to be seen by someone. I took him in to our ENT yesterday and we were told that he has a hematoma, which is a collection of blood under the surface. It's not very big so they want to just keep an eye on it, but if it continues to get bigger we will have to have it drained. I feel like my anxiety level is constantly through the roof. The older kids make me nervous when they are around him, because I'm afraid they might bump into him and hurt his head. I'm hoping once the swelling goes away and the incisions heal up a little bit I'll relax. I think everyone is hoping the same thing.

Overall, I think Traxton is doing pretty good considering everything that he has gone through. Hopefully in the next few days he will continue to make progress with the healing and his balance. I am very anxious to get my crazy, fun loving, little terror back.