We almost were released yesterday. We were actually packed up and ready to walk out the door; yet here we still are. The doctor came in last night and said since he hadn't had a fever all day, we could go home. We cleaned up our stuff and they took out his IV. Right as we were going to take a load of stuff to our car the nurse came in and wanted one more set of vitals. They took his temp and he had a fever. Seriously, talk about major let down. So we unpacked our stuff and stayed for hopefully our last night.
Well this morning the doctor came by and said we would not be leaving for maybe a couple more days. They want to continue him on the IV antibiotics and aspirate his head again. They also had been in contact with the infection control doctors and felt like sending him home now would make it possible for the infection to get the upper hand.
When they did the aspiration, the fluid was all puss, which is not a good sign. The doctor wants to send it off to be cultured, which will take a few days. They are trying to decide if they want to send us home with a picc line so Traxton can continue his IV antibiotic treatments, or change to oral antibiotics.
Jared ended up going home today. All week we have been in limbo with having him stay or go home for Ashten and Treyson. We kept thinking one more day and then all of us could go home. This morning we both really felt like he should go home. Our kids have been well taken care of, but they need their mom or dad. Having him leave was not an easy thing. I knew he needed to go, and we will be fine here, but I'm still quite emotional about it. I really wish that we all could go home and be there together. I actually can't stop crying... I know that so many people have things 100 times worse off than me, but I keep wondering how I can be strong enough for the trials that seem to come. I wonder why my baby has to keep going through things. It doesn't seem fair.
As I sit here watching the snow storm out our hospital room window, I think how similar life is. Days like today I feel like visibility is limited and the conditions are a bit hazardous. But I know the sun will come out again and make things bright. In the meantime, I will have to rely on another Son, the Savior, to lighten my burden and help me continue on. I am so grateful for my testimony and understanding of the atonement. I know that Christ suffered for not only my sins, but also for my sadness and struggles. He loved me, insignificant me, enough to do that. That knowledge alone helps move out my clouds of despair.
3 comments:
Darn it!! I'm so sorry you're still there and the fever just won't leave! It's really hard to be there alone too...I've done that. You'll pull strength outta places you didn't know you had. When you're ready. But definitely cry out everything that needs to come out first. You'll feel better. We'll keep Traxton in our prayers this weekend.
Mandy,
i am so sorry to hear about all of this craziness going on with traxton. The poor little guy has been through so much. You are so strong hang in there and stay close to the Savior. You are all in my thoughts in prayers.
You're right. It's not fair. Not one bit. Unfortunately it isn't up to us, and Jared is so very right. You can get through this. I sure do keep thinking of you and your family Mandy. I pray your family will be reunited soon and that you will find the sunshine again. You truly are one strong and amazing woman and you are an inspiration to me.
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